It's raining cats and dogs, it's nearly winter, it's cold (well - for Sydney) and dark outside. 8pm. There's lots on my mind tonight, doubt if I'll remember it all.
Didn't go to the group last night. Nearly did but started wondering what might happen if I sneezed or coughed and another of those very precious people got what I'm still getting over. Given my experience, someone with a more compromised immune system may well find it life threatening; I'd never fuckin forgive myself. I've still got a few days left on the penicillin course, and the weather last night was the same as tonight. I was coughing at home let alone being out. I myself at one point was considering hospital when I was really bad with it. Never mind, I will definitely go to the Planet Positive thing, and say goodbye to the guy that has been in charge there. I will be much better then.
I'm sick of referring to my lover from the country as just that. I will now refer to him as "S". S and I were texting tonight and talking about the fakery that people get involved in with their pretend lives. The commercialism I guess of humanity, the role model put up by the media as to the way to be. S was talking about the plethora of muscley guys with tats on the gold coast, and how they were just full of fakery. I replied that they were lemmings following the piper. Too scared to assert themselves as actually themselves. What a tragedy.
I can think of nothing worse than pretending to be someone your are not. And the story goes that the Gold Coast in QLD has a lot of beats where such people go, well over-represented given the "straight" society that evidently is supposed to exist there. So, many guys are there in hiding, in the closet, looking beautiful muscley and tattood, yet they are in the toilets fucking each other. So terrible that they feel so much pressure from society and commercialism, to hide who they really are. I can't imagine living such a double life. It must be impossible.
Have nearly stopped taking all painkillers. It looks like things will be finalised shortly with the insurance company and work. OMG! My knee is nearly bloody better! Oh what a huge relief! It's taken 6 months, patience from both me and employer and Workcover. In all though it has worked. Over the moon about this now. Have avoided an operation, and through the systems in place have very slowly recovered. It was a very very bad injury BTW; a stress fracture in my knee from heavy lifting. It hurt like fucking hell. Although not as much as 2 broken ribs.
There was something on the telly this weekend. A 16 year old Oz girl getting back from sailing solo around the world:
Huge Sydney harbour welcome. Prime Minister there to greet her at the Opera House, and also the present Premier of NSW Kristina Keneally. She said a few words that are very true:
Life is about risk, and if you don't risk, you will never win.
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