"You have to get your act together"

Probably one of the most defining moments of the last 12 months.

Didn't to go to work again today. My stomach is still really aggravated by the Augmentin/Penicillin flu tablets (finished them last week). It's been keeping me awake at night since last Friday, feels like terrible indigestion. Tried a bit of breakfast this morning and nearly threw it up straight away, stomach cramps, ugh. Hurts badly. Texted supervisor still sick, told her to ring if she wanted. This is the one who gave me the fuckin flu in the first place coughing her guts up like Typhoid Mary, and is one of the few at work who actually knows I'm HIV+.

She rang half an hour later and read me the riot act. Said they were changing the pay system this week (which I knew) and that she wouldn't be able to cover for me anymore. (WTF?-I've never asked her to do that) Said they had no compassion in the office and they would look at my record, and just send me warning letters and fire me. 

WTF?-most of the time I've had off this year has been because of a work related knee injury, all written down and procedure-ised through OH&S for my recovery from it. I am still in fact on the companies insurance for it getting free meds and doctors visits as it's still not better.The time off for the broken ribs I took out of my own long service leave. Couple of weeks back I volunteered to have 2 days off out of my own holidays because it had gone very quiet in our dept and there was nothing for me to do. How is all this time off my fault?

And then she said it. "You have to get your act together".

Didn't think about it until a bit later. Went to my GP for a doctors cert for Friday and Monday, not that I'll get paid as I have no sick pay left, but just so there's no drama's about them in the office not believing me. My GP is closely related to my HIV treatment, with the medical centre there having much experience with it. Told him also I've been getting worried about my level of depression lately, and the story of what I copped on the phone earlier. 

Just all seemed to come to a head, broke down a bit. He was so nice, handed me tissues and hand on shoulder, said I'd been through a lot lately and with some breathing space now it was all catching up to me. Probably having a delayed reaction to the police beating. The "You have to get your act together" thing was just the last straw for the moment. What a ridiculous and callous thing to say. As if I haven't been trying for the last 12 months to do exactly that. This is from someone who supposedly cares about me.

An iconic statement. One that describes perfectly the lack of understanding and heartless disregard for people like me. The fact that it came from someone who's known me for 11 years and professes compassion makes the statement even more cutting. This is a landmark day for me. I'll never look at her the same again, or in fact people who's only knowledge of HIV is me. It has been a very hard lesson to learn.

So there it is. Now my job is under threat. Great. Just fuckin great...