For some of us it's a struggle to stay alive. Not because of physical illness perhaps but because of mental illness and the constant pain that can be caused by that. The emotional pain of life can lead us to want to end it, in much the same way as physical pain can. This is a fact of life that people struggle with every day, but rarely speak of.
If you're in such a situation I offer myself as an example of struggle but survival. The disasters of my life are probably equal to about ten bloody life's disasters. Even my psychologist is amazed at times that bad things just keep seeming to happen to me.
In the worst times a few years back it was a daily struggle, the psych making me promise I'd not do anything until he saw me again in a few days. I think it was about 6 months after I started seeing him that I actually got through a whole session without crying. I remember so as he announced it at the end, like a milestone.
Today I remain with permanent mental illness. Post traumatic stress, anxiety, clinical depression and all the nightmares that come with that (literally). When the christians proclaim god won't give you more than you can bear, my answer is what happened to me then? But life has gone on. The carpet bombing can't go on forever. Things got better.
I found love, by chance, for the second time in life with David. Some people never find it even once. I get treatment for my illness's both mental and physical. Am getting by in the social safety net. Things aren't perfect and they never will be, but they're certainly better than those very dark days.
You have to talk about suicide if you're feeling that way. Suicide notes talk too late......
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