Tuesday, 7 June 2011

I can't do it

Going over to stay with Simon for a couple of nights. Packed a little bag as best I could, and if I've forgotten anything then will just come back to get it. It's not far. Still annoying though not being able to do a simple thing like an overnight bag. I even asked if he could come and help, drive me here after work in the car, but he seemed a bit pissed off that I was wanting help for something so simple. Gave up and just said I would do it. 

He's a bit different this time Simon. I know he's worried about his dog back in Lightning Ridge, but he doesn't seem the same Simon as usual. Admits he's been a bit under the weather so to speak; a bit depressed. That's fair enough, I mean I'm not blaming him or anything, just noting the difference. Will see how these couple of days go, but if his depression continues I may have to see him less than I otherwise would. I care for him and all, and worry about his mood for his sake, but I don't have it in me to be around someone behaving like that for too long. I'll end up getting depressed myself, not good.

Want to ask him too about his plans. I mean the last I heard from him was that he was going to rent out his place and come and live with me here in Sydney on a long term basis. Now he's asking me about whether I can quit my job and move somewhere else. WTF? I've already told him I don't want to do that, and it's getting a bit tiring having to repeat myself about it. It may just be a symptom of his depression, and how people think of different alternatives sometimes when they're depressed. 

I know he's looking at a bigger picture than me, but I'm just not at that point. It's been all I can do to progress from where I was in Jan. I think progress has been made and I'm doing OK given the circumstances. But quitting a 12 year job and moving from a city I've lived in for 26 years? I can't do it. All my support is here in Sydney for one thing, and I really rely on it.

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