Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Will it ever work?

Feeling a bit lost today. Simon left early this morning, and texting now and then from where he was on the trip. He spent last night here. We didn't fuck, apart from the fact that we'd both been at the pub and I was tired after work, I think we were both a bit sexed out after all that we had when he was here. So he got all his stuff together and left just after 6am this morning. 

Had a long talk with him the other day about where we were going with all of this. He just can't understand why I don't want to fuck off Sydney, along with my job, and launch out into the wild blue yonder. He himself is restless. He wants to go and do something, whatever that means. 

He asserted that I'd not done much in my life, but I disagreed saying that just because I'd not traveled as much as him didn't mean I'd done nothing. He asserted also that "I should be happy" and had no idea why I might still get moody and down. I told him don't worry about it and the moods will pass, and it's pretty much my whole life that makes me moody at times. You just can't switch off that.

Am starting to wonder if this is ever going to work out. He obviously doesn't want to live with me in Sydney, even though he said that earlier. And I just don't want to throw everything I've got in Sydney away. I need the support, I need the medical professionalism, and I even need my job here. Leaving Sydney would mean I'd have to declare bankruptcy re my debt and ruin my credit. You just don't earn much in the country here.

But I fuckin love him. Fuck. ....

 I didn't stop loving my wife over life's hassles. ....

No comments:

Post a Comment