For all those trying to be tough enough......

Facing adversity can be the most daunting experience. The normal reaction is to be tough through it all. Be strong. Suck it in. Hold back the tears. Don't show weakness. However in the long run it's all counterproductive. We must take time to grieve our loses and process the changes in life faced.

I saw it with my wife (ten years ago now she died) during her years of worsening illnesses. She would say she was a tough old bird and not to worry about her. But by holding everything inside behind a mask she wasn't able to share her struggle as fully as she needed to. Nobody is tough enough to go through what she went through on their own, but people try.

They think they don't want to bother loved ones, they don't want to burden them with their problems. But love is about sharing everything isn't it; the good and the bad. 

Ironically by not sharing the end result is usually some kind of massive blowout mental collapse in the face of overwhelming adversity. Those close to the person are at the coalface of that blowout and bear the consequences of their loved one trying to do the impossible on their own. Much worse than a daily sharing of what they're feeling inside.

I've learned that being strong means to recognise one's own human weakness's and to share with loved ones and professionals those weakness. It's not weak to cry, be afraid, anxious, and hurting. It's simply human. To not feel those things is to not be human. 

It is however weak to not recognise our human weakness's and try to do it all ourselves, selfishly not seeking enough help, and everyone else having to cop the explosion when it happens. It's not fair on loved ones to put them through such a thing when it could have been avoided with a bit of humility.

To all those trying to be tough enough, please remember that true strength and morality lies in how we treat those around us. Don't doubt the strength gained from sharing the punches taken with people who care, and respecting them enough to do so.