Latest psychologist visit

Missed last month just didn't want to go, so has been 2 months since I last saw him.

Walking there from the bus I felt rather depressed and was trying to think why I'd be feeling that way. It occurred to me after a bit that I was actually feeling depressed about going to see the psychologist. I wondered why this might be, but at the same time decided I wanted to have a bit of a break from seeing him.

When I went in I just was feeling like I didn't want to be there. When he asked how my mood had been I mentioned to him what had occurred to me on the way there, and that perhaps some time not coming might be an idea. He was fine with that of course, saying the last thing he'd want to do was to make me feel depressed! 

I've been seeing him since early 2009 when I got diagnosed. That's a long fuckin time man. It's only been monthly of late, but there were long periods of weekly and fortnightly visits. At the start it was only a few days apart as the concern was I was going to kill myself. Over those three and a half years I've been through some really bad shit. His take on it is that it's likely coming to see him is a reminder of those things. So we agreed on an official two months before the next visit, but the usual thing that if I feel I need to see him during that time I can.

As my mood has been sort of OK lately, again there seemed little to talk about. We did however discuss my feelings out in Lightning Ridge when I got sick with the flu. It's probably something that Simon is unlikely to fully understand, but after nearly dying last year (only being saved pretty much by the access I had to all my doctors and medical staff at the hospital here) I'd be feeling very anxious about getting even the flu out there. And it was a bad flu, as Simon can now testify to himself. For about 4 days it got progressively worse and worse and I was getting concerned about where exactly this was all going. Near death last year was very traumatic, and I guess you get doubts in your mind after something like that.

Felt good about not having to come back for a couple of months. Next appt isn't until Nov now. Went and had a couple of drinks at the Oxford. They've got new coasters there I noticed, quite good I thought.