Christmas approaches

Couple of days ago I was at the supermarket up the road. Walking into the mall my ears were accosted by the sounds of Christmas songs playing throughout. I did a mental shudder, fuck I wasn't expecting that. I suppose I've been so wrapped up with other things lately that the Christmas hysteria has so far passed me by.

It's a horrible time of year for me. Just hearing those songs playing in the mall was enough to feel that pain again. The whole Christmas thing has for me become nothing more than a cruel reminder from extremely dark times. Christmas is a time to endure, to plod through determinedly, to avoid as much as I can the reminders. Hopefully this year won't be so bad, but then I say that every year. 

Daughter's new job are closing down for a month over the Christmas/new year period, and as she's only been there a few weeks she's only built up 2 days of annual leave. So guess who's going to be paying the rent on his own again for a month....  It's not her fault though, and it's a good job so it's worth sticking with it. She has though got a couple of days a week work with some of the kids she looked after locally before getting this job, so at least I won't have to buy her food as well!

I'm getting confused about Simon, he's sent another email. In it he says he'd not realised how much he was in love with me, never happened before. Oh no, I dunno WTF to even reply back. Will give it a day or so to think about it. I mean in all that time we,ve known each other he's never said that. I've no inclination to go back to him, but I do hope he doesn't get too down and gets through it OK. I loved him to, still do, but it just wasn't working. 

David and I are still seeing each other every day. I had him at my place last night. Wasn't working today. Think my daughter has been missing me a bit as I've been over his place so much. She made a comment a couple of days ago that I was always over there. That and it's probably a good thing to get him out of the atmosphere at his place with his flatmate. I even said a few words to the flatmate about what he'd said about David's childhood; that I wasn't taking sides in the domestic, but that that was really wrong. Later he apologised to David, a bit conditionally but still an apology. My view was that the subject is completely off limits.

David has a birthday very close to Christmas. Maybe that will brighten things up a bit around this dreary time.